The key point that appears to confuse many men and their partners as far as the topic of delayed ejaculation is concerned, is that although orgasm and ejaculation feel like one and the same thing, these are, in fact, separate reactions. The feeling of orgasm is a cerebral event, which takes place purely as a chemical and synaptic interaction inside your head, even if it is also accompanied by pleasurable sensations throughout the body.
In direct contrast, ejaculation is a purely physical response that is induced by repetitive stimulation to the penis and sexually sensitive nerve endings elsewhere in the body. Much research is still needed to find where sexual orgasm is felt within the brain, but there have been breakthroughs about the neural pathways through which the reflex response of ejaculation is induced.
There are competing viewpoints but one conclusion is that when sexual arousal reaches a near-climactic threshold, the flow of ejaculatory fluids into the end of the your urethra builds up the pressure at the base of the penis, and this unleashes a a whole series of automatic reactions including contraction of the pubococcygeal muscle.
The autonomic nervous system is in control as far as ejaculation is concerned, while gradually heightening erotic pleasure during sex is controlled by the sympathetic nervous system.
As it is, medical researchers have long been acquainted with delayed ejaculation and evolution of the name used to identify this bodily phenomenon probably mirrors in a very real sense, the scientific community’s developing understanding of this function: ejaculatory incompetence, ejaculatory over-control, retarded ejaculation, and finally delayed ejaculation.
The evolving nomenclature represents, from my point of view, a new and increasingly sympathetic attitude for the men who are having relationship issues with their partners because of their unique ejaculation patterns during sex.
What is particularly perturbing to medical professionals is that most of these men are able to ejaculate normally from masturbation. Given this fact, scientists suggest that there might be many relationship issues associated with the inability to achieve orgasm and ejaculate during sexual intercourse. However, one must exercise an ample dose of skepticism when seeking an explanation in the dynamics between a couple.
There’s strong reason to conclude that the failure to ejaculate during oral sex with a partner, intercourse with a partner, or even masturbation by a partner, merely represents the fact that there’s nothing in these activities that can compare to the higher degree of stimulation that a man may be accustomed to apply to his own organ whilst masturbating and imagining the sexual act.
It’s obvious that the body can be conditioned to get used to some unique levels of stimulation, so it’s inherently logical to initially find out whether or not the delayed ejaculation issue simply lies in the fact that the man is able to apply hard, rough, or high-frequency stroking during self stimulation, in a way that is not mirrored during sexual activity with another person.
If the cause of the problem is as simple as this, the cure will be in the form of a physical retraining of the body, the penis and the mind, to respond to much more gentle pleasuring of the kind that can bring about a climax during sexual intercourse.
In many instances, counsellors and sex therapists often take the view that the dynamics between the partners is often the cause of delayed ejaculation.
And it certainly can be. In my years of working as a therapist, I’ve come across sex partners who have become increasingly hostile to each other and have neglected intimacy to the point where a man no longer enjoys sex, and sees it as a burden, while simultaneously finding himself powerless to reach out to his partner and begin a rational conversation to arrive at a mutually acceptable solution to these difficulties.
Moreover, even without resentment, anger, or any other negative feelings on the part of the male towards the woman, there is, as some studies show, a particular kind of personality who is prone to delayed ejaculation.
According to the latest scientific publications, this individual type appears to be a person who is in some way disconnected to his own process of sexual arousal, who is generally unaware of how aroused he is during sexual intercourse, who regards sex with his partner as a duty for which he is responsible, who regards his partner’s pleasure during sexual intercourse as his own responsibility, and who believes that her pleasure must come before anything else and is the the most important part of sex. These persons generally, whether consciously or not, regard themselves as the “mighty purveyor of sex”, labouring away (sometimes to no avail) to steer the sexual intercourse to a satisfying conclusion.
It is likewise noticeable that the majority of the partners of men suffering from this anomaly are often somewhat passive in the matter of sex, and have a tacit understanding that it’s the male who is obligated to bring them sexual pleasure. The truth is, they are without a doubt responsible for their own pleasure. In instances like this, it’s clearly valuable to be able to provide tips to a couple and make available some useful sexual information. This way, their ideas and attitudes around sex and erotic pleasure can be steered closer to reality.
Finally, it is noticeable that males who have this type of subservient sexual profile generally lack awareness of their personal level of pleasure. In a very real sense, there appears to be some kind of gap, or even a void, in the sexual maturity, so that they have come to associate their own mechanism of sexual pleasure with the outside process of engaging in intercourse with a spouse or partner.
What I mean by this is that their own erotic world normally doesn’t serve as a watershed of sexual arousal and pleasure: they are marooned in a frustrating cloud of sexual confusion where they are attempting to engage in sexual intercourse without all the basic emotional and physiological tools that are necessary for the sex act to be an enjoyable and mutually satisfying experience.