Category Archives: female ejaculation

Fear of Sex

For anybody who’s got a problem with sex, whatever form that takes – be it premature ejaculation in men, or erectile dysfunction, to conditions due to anxiety and anger, or lack of libido, low sex drive, anorgasmia, or dyspareunia in females –  the answer is always to plunge into your fear and explore those things that frighten you.

Now I know that’s easy to say, particularly sitting here writing on the Internet, where words of wisdom come cheap and experiences sometimes harder to determine, but I can tell you that I’ve been right there in this place myself.

I spent the first 30 years my life of terrified of sex – both before and after puberty – and I was a virgin until I was 32… And for a woman in the society, that’s to say westernized liberal society, you have to admit that’s quite an achievement, perhaps matched only by the 40-year-old virgin of legend.

As you can see, however, from this article in psychology today, being a 40-year-old virgin is not in any way shape or form an amusing experience for anybody.

Forty years ago, older virgins were considered curiosities, but by the mid-1980s, sex therapists began reporting a steady trickle of clients over age 25, about three-quarters of them men, who had never had sex with anyone other than themselves. (Many had tried sex workers, but most said that “didn’t count” because commercial sex wasn’t “real” sex, and they’d never had “real” relationships.) By the 1990s, it was clear that a surprisingly large number of people were still involuntarily virgins at age 25, but the true prevalence of older virginity remained a mystery.

That began to change with the 2009 publication of a study in the Journal of Sexual Medicine. Using data from the National Survey of Family Growth, the researchers tracked sexual abstinence among 2,469 men and 5,120 women age 25 to 45, and found that 122 of the men (5 percent) and 104 of the women (2 percent) said they’d never had partner sex. Now some abstinence might be voluntary, Catholic priests and nuns, or others who affirmatively opt for celibacy. But it’s safe to say that most–probably the vast majority–of older virginity is involuntary. I interviewed one 47-year-old virgin man who called it “my shame, my terrible handicap.”

 The study found two significant associations with older virginity: regular attendance at religious services and abstinence from alcohol. However, in my interviews with older virgins and with the therapists who counsel them, those factors appear much less important than profound shyness, social awkwardness, and general discomfort with the opposite sex and the whole idea of physical intimacy with another person. As one told me: “I shut myself off. I can’t really explain why, except to say I was very shy. I was keenly interested in women, but they intimidated me. I had no idea how to get beyond casual friendships to anything romantic, no idea at all.”

Fortunately, there’s help for older virgins, surrogate partner therapy. In fact, today, a substantial proportion of surrogate partners’ clients are older virgin men.

Now you’ll note that one of the things that is prevalent here, or at least particularly obvious, is the social inadequacy and inexperience of people who are virgins at the age of well, let’s say 30 or upwards.

This isn’t surprising, for those of you who actually live in a state of fear will understand totally how implausible and improbable the idea of experiencing sexual relationships with another person can seem at times. Well, most of the time actually….

I’m not poking fun in any way shape or form at people who have this problem – dammit, I was there myself for a long time, and I know exactly what it’s like.

My breakthrough came by experiencing partner surrogate sex therapy, and I  recommend it to anybody who’s in the same situation as myself.

Of course, in general,  problems with sexuality like this come from the fact the intimacy and social ability – social skills, to be blunt – have never developed in the way that they should have done, often because of a repressive environment during childhood.

But that’s not really the point – the point is that for anybody in this situation, the shame and embarrassment of actually being in a community where sex is regarded as the currency of social interaction, while at the same time being unable to engage in sex, or perhaps even in intimacy, can be crippling and shameful experience.

As I said, I started my journey back to recovery by engaging in partner therapy – engaging a sex surrogate to have intercourse with me for money, but against a background of therapeutic holding and support. To experience powerful orgasms and female ejaculation (squirting) is truly a massive breakthrough for me…. until I squirted, I had no idea how powerful the female orgasm could be…

So much so, believe it or not, the I’m now fully orgasmic, and I actually orgasm during intercourse with my boyfriend, who is very skilled lover.It was, without doubt, one of the most terrifying and frightening things that I’ve ever done in my life, but it did produce a massive breakthrough in terms my ability to engage with the opposite sex, and indeed my journey back to the normal expression of my sexuality.

Considering that only 10 to 15% women actually achieve virginal orgasm during intercourse, and considering that a mere 10 years ago I was absolutely frozen at the thought of sex, this is something wonderful and well deserving of celebration – at least in my humble opinion! LOL!

By the way, as one of the advantages, or side-effects, if you prefer becoming fully orgasmic through virginal intercourse is the wonderful experience of female ejaculation. This is where fluid is injected from glands surrounding the urethra, often very forcibly, and can be a highly arousing experience for both the woman and her boyfriend or husband.

The Art Of Female Ejaculation

If you want to be the hottest girl around, and a favorite with all the guys, then there’s very little more exciting for a man than a girl who’s mastered the art of female ejaculation!

Interestingly enough, a lot of women are very embarrassed by the prospect of ejaculating during sexual activity, but it turns out this is a completely normal function for a healthy woman – indeed, people like Deborah Sundahl will tell you that this is a normal aspect of female sexuality and every woman who has the ability to do so should explore the possibility of female ejaculation so that she can become a better lover.

Now cause that’s rather a hardline point of view, but there is some truth in it – I’ve always believed that the maximum amount of fulfillment about being a man or woman only comes from exploring every aspect of the fundamental nature of our sexuality – and that can be hard to do in a society that prescribes certain activities as being obscene, disgusting or otherwise taboo.

For women certainly the concept of ejaculation is associated with fear of urination, making a mess, and perhaps the rather shameful thing of being seen as a hussy or a whore in bed….. Yet of course one of the most powerful motivations for women during sexual activity is to offer pleasure to their men (which is not to discount the importance of a woman seeking pleasure for herself), and there are very few ways to do this more effectively than to master the art of female ejaculation.

Now I know this may sound controversial, but the idea that you can find ways to learn how to make a girl squirt is actually rather commonplace these days – the Internet is full of programs on female ejaculation, and the absolute enthusiasm with which men look at these is testimony to the fact they actually was really powerful and perhaps secret desire to see their women ejaculating.

ejaculaiton female-ejaculation


Even now, after several decades of research on the phenomenon of female ejaculation, there’s plenty of mystery around how it operates.

In general, it’s believed the G spot stimulation either so stimulate the nerves of the pelvic area, or stimulates prostatic type tissue  surrounding the female urethra to produce fluid which is similar in composition to that of the male prostate fluid with of course the exception of sperm.

It appears to be ejaculated forcefully at the moment of orgasm through the opening of the Skene’s glands, which have become known as the female prostate.

Nonetheless there are still mysteries about this, because it’s possible for women to ejaculate fluid by bearing down forcefully with pelvic muscles and ejaculating through the urethral opening even if they haven’t reached orgasm.

This begs the question of whether or not the ejaculation of fluid at orgasm is a conscious or unconscious act. We know, however, that the phenomenon of squirting is often merely high-pressure urination which women are enacting for the sake of pornographic films.

Genuine squirting is the forceful ejaculation of the prostatic fluid from the urethra built up over a long period of time with gentle stimulation of the G spot.

From Wikipedia:

To date most of the interest had focused on the substance and structure rather than function of the glands. A more definitive contemporary account of ejaculation appeared shortly after, in 1950, with the publication of an essay by Gräfenberg based on his observations of women during orgasm.

An erotic zone always could be demonstrated on the anterior wall of the vagina along the course of the urethra…analogous to the male urethra, the female urethra also seems to be surrounded by erectile tissues…In the course of sexual stimulation the female urethra begins to enlarge and can be felt easily. It swells out greatly at the end of orgasm…Occasionally the production of fluids is …profuse…

If there is the opportunity to observe the orgasm of such women, one can see that large quantities of a clear transparent fluid are expelled not from the vulva, but out of the urethra in gushes. At first I thought that the bladder sphincter had become defective by the intensity of the orgasm.

Involuntary expulsion of urine is reported in sex literature. In the cases observed by us, the fluid was examined and it had no urinary character. I am inclined to believe that “urine” reported to be expelled during female orgasm is not urine, but only secretions of the intraurethral glands correlated with the erotogenic zone along the urethra in the anterior vaginal wall.

Moreover the profuse secretions coming out with the orgasm have no lubricating significance, otherwise they would be produced at the beginning of intercourse and not at the peak of orgasm.

From Deborah Sundahl.

Years ago, men’s and women’s sexual responses were thought to be very different: men ejaculate, women don’t; women have multiple orgasms, men don’t. So, if a man was making love to a woman and all of a sudden, there was a big gush of liquid, she was often chastised for pissing in bed.

Men turned off to ejaculate because of its association with urine, and women suppressed their natural ability to ejaculate because of this attitude.Women need encouragement to ejaculate, and that means an attitude adjustment about our body’s fluids. The prevailing attitude we learned is urine, sweat and cum is dirty and unhealthy, and western religion has taught that women’s sexuality is unclean….. The body is an incredible chemical organism and its beautiful physical form venerated in art. It’s fluids, by extension, are beautiful and healthful. The eastern spiritual religion of Tantra views women’s bodies as temples. In fact, female ejaculate is considered a prize health tonic when rubbed into the body or drunk, invigorating and uplifting her male partner.