Welcome to my website. I’m a sexy, sexual woman called Maria…but it wasn’t always that way. I’ve had just about every imaginable fear about sex in my adult life. And I overcame them all!
If you want to check out the program I recommend for dealing with fear of sex, click on this link now: How To Overcome Your Fear Of Sex and Live A Full Life.
What I know for sure is that no-one has to live with a fear of sex. You can deal with the anxiety and the fear in many ways. On this website I describe what worked for me – and what I believe will work for you too.
You don’t need to look at the root cause, you can just use a powerful treatment for the symptoms of anxiety (which are often based on past fears and experiences and are no longer relevant to your life today), and some excellent therapies such as NLP and time line therapy.
I also know that the sooner you start, the sooner things will improve, even if it takes time. I whole-heartedly recommend an online program called “Change That’s Right Now”. This program, which has been used by thousands of people in the last few years is based on the latest NLP type therapies and does not require you to dive deep into your history. And it offers the option of one to one therapy, though this is not essential.
If you want to overcome your fear of sex, there’s no better place to start: How To Overcome Your Fear Of Sex and Live A Full Life
I wish you well, and do let me know how you get on!
You Cannot Know “All About Sex”.
The great determining factor in the success of any human relationship is how you feel about the other person, not how you think you feel, but rather how you really feel.
That is why groups of young couples coming together under experienced leadership to explore the future marriage relationship make such a valuable investment in time and spiritual energy.
“Of course,” you say, “I know how I feel about my partner. It’s love.”
This answer is not a final one, nor is it necessarily a good one. For it to be a good answer depends upon the kind of love you feel. There are as many ways of loving as there are people in the world.
My second answer to the young people who believe they already are well indoctrinated in sex experience is this: nobody ever knows all about sex. The most remarkable fact about sex is that it is never the same and is always new. It changes as you change and as your partner changes.
And both of you are changing every minute that you live. Even if you’ve already experienced sex, a preparation-for-marriage course can be of great value in helping you relate the past and the future in a realistic way.
A marriage preparation course will help you become aware of still another fundamental concerning sex.
Because many couples fear what the years will do to their sex drive, they should know that the sexual experiences of a husband and his wife in their forties, fifties and even later can be beyond any power to describe, deeper and more enthralling than in their twenties.
The reasons are numerous. In middle age, the couple already has lived and loved together for many years. They have explored on a wide frontier the beauties and satisfactions of sex.
hey have weathered many storms together. Gone is the superficiality and sham. Now, after the poses, the stresses and strains of the earlier years, there is no longer need for pretence. They feel free and at ease with each other in their sexual expression.
Furthermore, middle-aged couples have emerged from the child-bearing years. Thus, they need no longer cope with the inevitable anxieties of possible pregnancy.
A woman past menopause very often feels emancipated, and many have told me, “Now I can really enjoy sex.” Significantly, the sexual drives of many women accelerate after menopause for just this reason.
Indeed, there is even sexual satisfaction in store for the elderly. We rarely see or hear anything about sexual fulfilment in persons aged sixty and beyond. Yet we know that many are physically capable and we know, too, that sex is important to many couples in the past-sixty, so-called geriatric age range.
Despite what you have been conditioned to believe, sex in this stage of life can be as vital a force for couples as it is two, three or four decades earlier.
Why might people be afraid of sex, which is one of the most fundamental human drives, and potentially one of the most rewarding?I think there are many reasons, some obvious, some not quite so obvious.
Most fundamentally, it’s important for a man or woman to be able to trust the opposite sex sufficiently to become as intimate as one needs to be to have sexual intercourse.
Now, of course, it’s possible to have sex without feeling any emotional connection to your partner. I’d assume that’s the basis of most transactions between clients and sex workers.
For many men, this probably represents an extremely convenient way of having sex, without actually having to form any emotional relationship or risk intimacy and closeness with another person.
Lack of Trust
And why might somebody be lacking in trust? Of course, this usually comes down to childhood experience.
When somebody has been treated in a way that diminishes their trust in other people, particularly as a vulnerable child, it can be hard for them to re-establish trust later in life, and form a deep, meaningful relationship.
And because sex is one of the things where we most expose ourselves to people, this can be one of the hardest things of all for people who have been abused in some way to get over.
Sex is naturally anxiety provoking. You expose yourself at a deep level to another person, and all of us have a deep fear of being judged, not unreasonably, since most of us are judged all the time, every day in life; and sex is a place where one is most vulnerable and the judgments can be harshest.
For example, despite the so-called liberation of women over the past few decades, most of us still operate to the standard whereby men are expected to take the lead and initiate during sex, and often to be responsible in some way for the woman’s pleasure as well.
Under such pressure, a man may well feel he is likely to be judged adversely for failing to measure up in some way. That might be as commonplace a concern as penis size, it might be a concern around premature ejaculation, it might be a concern around attractiveness or ability to bring his partner to orgasm.
The problem is, in part, that these fears are never voiced openly, and communication between partners is often lacking in any kind of relationship, let alone a sexual one.
What’s ironic, too, is the fact that most women are probably just as fearful of being judged by their male partner — breast size, bodily appearance, smells, tastes, ability to please the man … all of these things, and more, represent a woman’s fears that are equivalent to the man’s fears around penis size and sexual competence.
But it is rather easier for a woman in a sexual situation to be passive and simply accept the man, who by his very nature does need to take a more active role in penetration and thrusting.
For this reason, perhaps combined with the comments I made above about a lack of trust, many men will find it extremely difficult to avoid anxiety at the thought of sex, no matter how excited they are.
And here’s another problem: that very anxiety around sex and all that it implies can itself be a cause of premature ejaculation. You can see how a man might come to fear sex because his anxiety makes him ejaculate quickly.
No doubt, fearing a fast ejaculation, a man may actually be so anxious that he does indeed ejaculate much more quickly, thereby compounding a vicious circle of expectation, anxiety, and outcome.
For women, anxiety can be a barrier to reaching orgasm; indeed, this is true also for men.
There’s a condition called delayed ejaculation, whereby men find it difficult or perhaps even impossible to ejaculate during sexual intercourse with their partner.
Although this seems very different on the surface to premature ejaculation, I do see it as a parallel to premature ejaculation, in the sense that it’s entirely possible for anxiety to inhibit the process of becoming sexually aroused.
Ironic, perhaps, that the same emotion can cause rapid ejaculation and delayed ejaculation, but clearly the mechanism through which anxiety manifests during sexual activity can be different in different individuals.
I’d say that premature ejaculation was about three times as common as delayed ejaculation, but in a sense both conditions represent the outcome of sexual anxiety.
I’ve written extensively on methods to overcome PE or premature ejaculation; I also have some information on how to overcome delayed ejaculation.
You can see a series of videos on the subject here. Links to these videos on delayed ejaculation:
Curing Delayed Ejaculation and Overcoming Fear Of Sex
Essentially, the key for curing the condition is to alleviate anxiety and become more relaxed and confident during sexual activity.
There’s also a certain element of self-discipline required in the sense that while the temptation may be to give way to instinctual desire and reach orgasm as quickly as possible, men with PE need to exert some self restraint and actually engage with the techniques that can help them to last longer during intercourse.
These would range from vaginal acclimatization, in which the man enters his partner and remains still for as long as it takes for his excitement to lessen, to sensate focus, in which a couple engage in intimate physical connection, so that they establish a meaningful emotional connection before intercourse begins.
This seems to have the effect of making the experience more emotionally satisfying, but also somehow more stable and balanced, so that extremes of arousal are unlikely to happen, and the man may be able to last longer.